About Me

Homura is, indeed, my waifu.

I.

Well, I have a lot to say about myself, but not much in the the technique of saying it.

I can begin by saying I was born 23 April 1999 e.v. in the early morning at Bridgeport Hospital in Connecticut, at roughly the same time my father died in a car accident and we lost all contact with his family. Between the ages of zero and five, my family moved so much that I have no idea how many houses we were in. Preschool was at the YMCA in Trumbull and it was all right.

When I was about four or five, we moved into a house in Norwalk. There was a cute little girl downstairs about the same age as me named Makenzie. She called me Heaven (mispronouncing Evan, not that I minded). They had a Saint Bernard; such a friendly dog!

Unfortunately the landlord there was a dick and so we had to move yet again, this time to Darien.

II.

I was homeschooled for kindergarten in Darien. It wasn't too bad; I just completed the work from the book and then read about physics. Or read comics. That's what propelled my interest in neuroscience and physics: reading comics and having an innate curiosity as a kindergartner. I even said at the time that I wanted to be an astrophysicist (astrophysics had seemed more appealing than quantum cosmology to me at the time for some reason) and a biochemical engineer (mostly because I thought Venom from Ultimate Spider-Man was cool). The other kids would always get confused when I brought scientific subjects up.

After a year of homeschooled kindergarten, I was enrolled in Ox Ridge Elementary. For the first few weeks I was just a little nervous and bored; I already knew how to read.

But then I started throwing tantrums in the hallways with little memory of what had happened prior. I started acting suicidal and saying I'd rather die than return. I had forgotten about this until about two years ago, when a flashback indicated that someone had raped me—repeatedly—over the course of first grade, leaving me with complex PTSD. That sucked a lot, but I still went through most of second grade at Ox Ridge before being pulled out again for some more homeschooling.

Although it was preferable to abuse, it was still low-quality and filled with creationist bullshit.

III.

I was homeschooled from the beginning of third grade to the end of fifth. During that time, a lot happened.

When I was 9, my great-aunt Cameron Keating died. She was a veterinary assistant and an actress, as well as an activist and a fundamentally wonderful person. She died of multiple myeloma, and due to the research done on her, thousands of other lives have been saved.

Unfortunately, this was not the case for our family friend Eugene H⸻, who died due to a completely avoidable fungal infection in his IV tube. Around 2010-11, I lost both great-grandfathers known to me: a certain Stephen M⸻, who died after being pulled to the ground and fracturing a rib while walking my great-grandmother's seven dogs (and who, according to Robert Crowley and my family, was a high-ranking C.I.A. official), and F. Sutherland Macklem, who invented the first electrophotographic printer and the cyclic digital-to-analogue converter and died of old age, donating his body to scientific research.

(I still wonder how he would have felt about 4chan and memetics and neoreactionary theory and Slate Star Codex and all that stuff. He'd probably be proud that I'm combining so many talents into game development.)

IV.

I went to St. Aloysius Catholic School for sixth grade and half of seventh grade. It was rather unpleasant and uneventful, school-wise.

Non-school-wise, I had begun to question the validity of divine command theory and read Ayn Rand. I was already pretty much a libertarian, but critically examining the religion I had followed for 11 years got me nowhere. After a lot of puberty-related guilt, I decided that any deity who would punish lustful adolescents for what ve programmed them to do was not worthy of worship. I rejected the concept of God entirely, but after transferring from the unpleasant Catholic school to the nigh-paradisaical Greenwich Education Group, I decided to become a Reform Zoroastrian, thus beginning my spiritual journey of wandering. When I read the Gathas, it seemed to be just a series of hymns to a very powerful Guy Who made everything, rewarded good people, punished bad people until they became good enough to be rewarded, and wanted everything to go well. I still say the Ashem Vohu or the Ahuna Vairya sometimes, just as I sometimes say the Lord's Prayer or the Kaddish, though.

But I digress. School at G.E.G. was excellent: I got to take the best courses available, learned some Serbian and Latin, and got a yellow belt in Taekwondo. I also started engaging in chaos magic then, and my practice has only grown stronger over the years. Everyone at the school liked me; I liked everyone at the school; it was a very mutually supportive environment. I also got more into anime, watching things like The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.

Over the summer, I enjoyed anime and studied more, but then learned something shocking: G.E.G. had raised their tuition and we couldn't afford it anymore. So I met with the eccentric headmaster of the Thornton-Donovan School in New Rochelle, NY, where 2008 Libertarian Vice-Presidential Candidate Wayne Allyn Root had studied. He informally evaluated my intellect and talents and accepted me for free. For the most part, I liked it there; the fall of 2012 was when I visited New York three times, first heard of 'Gangnam Style', and saw Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and Puella Magi Madoka Magica, which is my favourite anime of all time. However, my health began to take a downward turn, and transportation became so much of a hassle that I was homeschooled the rest of the school year.

V.

That summer was uneventful, although I converted to Thelema, watched more anime and read through Homestuck up to the Year 4 Megapause. (Doritos were involved.) I met a bunch of my closest friends online and had a great time with them online, watching Danganronpa and discussing it with each other. That Autumn I was enrolled in Darien High School and then made one mistake that was minor in hindsight (threatening suicide and getting myself locked up by a bitch of a psychiatrist for a weekend) followed by the largest mistake I've ever made (complaining to whom the school told me was the psychologist but who was actually the social worker about how nasty my family could get). Connecticut's DCF got involved, with some tiny little bitch named Yodna Vivanco-Small (a taxi fraudster who had already been sued for intentionally inflicting emotional damage)coming every week and screeching at us, causing me to become more and more depressed, barely doing well at school and getting sick more often.

We hired an attorney who we thought would help us get DCF out of our lives in April, but just a couple weeks after we hired him, on 2 May 2016 e.v., after dark, Yodna charged into the house with a warrant and several armed police officers surrounding me. I had to pack a small amount of things and be hauled off to a foster home, losing my faith in any higher power in the process.

VI.

Let me try to recap a year stolen from my life:

  • May 2014: Taken from my house against my will and placed in foster home overnight by social workers backed by armed cops; went to hospital after suicide threat; placed into another foster home.
  • June 2014: Complained about current foster mother beating young children and explained how I wanted to stop her; placed into hospital.
  • July 2014: Placed in Kids in Crisis in Greenwich, CT. All right at first, but some adults sexually harassed me to the point where I freaked out. Placed into hospital; woman accompanying me from KiC lied about incidents to nurses while other witnesses (including my mother) were there.
  • August 2014: Transferred to Four Winds Hospital in Katonah, NY. Was overmedicated.
  • September 2014: Four Winds psychologist's assistant diagnosed me with schizophrenia based on a manipulated Rorschach test. Was given two more antipsychotics, making me more agitated and tired at the same time. Converted back to Thelema.
  • October 2014: Tried to enjoy as much as possible while staving off actual insanity.
  • November 2014: Moved out of Four Winds Hospital into Children's Center of Hamden.
  • December 2014: Read entire Harry Potter series; suffered mental breakdown during 'Christmas show'; spent Christmas in original hospital (Yale-New Haven).
  • January 2015: Returned to Children's Center; got job at 'school' cafeteria.
  • February 2015: Got multiple books; read through The Illuminatus! Trilogy.
  • March 2015: Bonded with Paul 'Alex' M⸻, Ryan A⸻, and Dave F⸻; converted to Renewal Judaism.
  • April 2015: Released on my 16th birthday.

VII.

Since I was released, I converted to Gnostic druidry and went to Cedarhurst, which is a purportedly therapeutic school for adolescents with depression, anxiety, and autism spectrum disorder.

It is not. It has some adolescents with those problems, but many of the students are simply misbehaved and could not be controlled by regular schools, which is a pain in the ass for students such as myself who attend class to learn. As well, not much learning is possible, as the teachers' efforts seem less to be focused on educating the students so much as emotionally manipulating and psychologically torturing us, seemingly just for the sadistic lulz.

I do not understand why, if little Suzy is five minutes late for the bus for the field trip, the teacher must loudly say, 'Now, class, look at little miss Suzy here. She was five minutes late. She's the one who made sure that you couldn't have as much field trip time as you wanted. She made us all late. Don't be like little Suzy.'

I also do not understand why, if Johnny forgot to bring in his homework for the second time in a month, and he sits in the back of the class, the teacher must interrupt the class and say, 'Now, Johnny, I told you to do this work. This is the second time you have disobeyed me; I will not tolerate it a third time. Do you understand me? Do you understand me?!'

VIII.

So I'm currently no longer at Cedarhurst, thank the Gods. I returned to Greenwich Education Group, which is the best fit for me possible education-wise. I've actually been able to learn things here, which feels like nothing short of a miracle. The district has also allowed me to make up credits through an online testing system; I've been lagging on that (and on my schoolwork), but the teachers and administrators at this school are actually trying to help, which is a very alien (but very welcome!) development.

As well, I'm being treated for my anxiety; I might go on an antidepressant soon to help reduce the increased OCD problems. But outside of school, I'm also teaching myself guitar, Python, JavaScript, philosophy, some physics, some history, and some economics, and I'm also doing a self-help course on my own.

Things have been better for me. Adulthood will pose a challenge, but I strongly feel that I can climb any hurdles that appear in my way, the Gods be willing.

Well, at least I got these cool (if blurry) bat pictures out of it.

Conclusion.

So it hasn't exactly been easy, as you can see, but I'm damn thankful for it. If I hadn't lived this life, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn the lessons I needed to. If I try to live a different life, then I might end up avoiding future lessons. I'm going to plod on and reach that unreachable star even if it kills me.

inserted by FC2 system